Home
by Flying Space Muffins
Summary: Post TROS. SPOILERS. In the years following the fall of the Final Order, Rey copes with the absence of her soulmate, who she hasn't been able to reach since his disappearance. She finds comfort in Poe, but never gives up hope that Ben will one day return to her. One sided Poe/Rey, but ultimately Ben/Rey. So much angst. So many feels. Rated T, but might be posting a saucy side fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Well, hey there, my fellow Reylo lovers. Welcome to my angsty lil mini series, Home. After seeing TROS, the inspiration for this hit me like a truck, so here we are. I hope you enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, or the story they originated from.**

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Chapter One

Rey laid awake, staring at the ceiling. Beside her, Poe Dameron snored softly. She reached out, brushing a lock of curly brown hair up off of his forehead. The corner of his lips lifted into a half-smile, but he did not stir. Rey laid a soft kiss on his brow before carefully crawling out of bed and throwing on some clothes.

It had been five years, seven months, and twelve days since the fall of the Final Order, yet the aching in Rey's chest never lessened. In a way, she felt guilty for using Poe to distract from the pain still left inside of her, but it was the only thing she had found that helped to cope with it. Without him, Rey would have been completely gone, void of life. He was the one who found her and brought her back from the darkness. Even still, her heart yearned for someone else.

She quietly left the house, making her way down the familiar trail that led deeper into the forest. This was almost a nightly ritual for her. It was hard to sleep when all she could think about was where he could be, what he was doing, and why he left her in the first place… Rey gave a quick shake of her head, willing those thoughts away. She would never be happy if she continued to dwell on the past.

She climbed her way up the steady incline of the hill. The sounds of the forest soothed her. The hoot of an owl, the rustling of a mouse, the whistling of the wind among leaves. It was a huge contrast from where she grew up on Jakku. Out here, she could really get in tune with the Force. She made her way to her favorite perch-a large rock overlooking the horizon-and sat cross-legged upon it with her palms pressed flat against the tops of her legs. Her eyes closed and she drew in a deep breath. As the air filled her lungs she could feel the hum of the Force moving around and within her, and her body slowly began to rise into the air. It filled her with a warmth unlike anything she had felt before. She felt her body relax, the tension leaving her muscles one by one, and her thoughts were whisked away with the breeze.

Rey was unsure of how long she had stayed there, deep in meditation, but by the time she opened her eyes, the suns had begun to rise, and the melody of birds met her ears. Her body lowered gracefully back down to the rock, and she let out a gentle sigh, a natural smile playing at the corners of her lips. She admired the sunrise for a few moments longer before beginning her trek back down to the village.

Returning home, she found a sleepy Poe finishing up making some breakfast. He turned at the sound of the door, offering Rey a crooked smile. She sensed the worry rolling off of him. He was always worried. She couldn't say she blamed him; Rey had never been completely honest with anyone about what exactly happened on Exegol, or in the time that she was away.

"Good morning, sunshine," he said cheerfully, his voice a bit rough with sleep. He placed two plates down at the table and pulled a chair out for Rey, gesturing for her to sit.

As she sat, he planted a kiss on her forehead before taking a seat as well. "Good morning," she offered in return with a half smile, before digging into her plate.

Poe watched her carefully. He never asked where or how she spent her mornings, being content with knowing that wherever she went, she always returned more at peace than she had been when she left. Nighttime was always rough for Rey. She would often wake him as she called out in her sleep. He had tried talking to her about the nightmares, but she would always dismiss it, telling him it was only a recurring dream of her parents leaving her back on Jakku. Poe could tell she was lying, but never pressed further, not wanting to push her away. If she wanted to talk to him about it, she would, but in the meantime he would just do his best to support her when she needed it.

Rey glanced up, feeling his eyes on her. "What?" she inquired despite the food in her mouth.

He laughed, reaching out to wipe a crumb from the corner of her mouth. "It's nothing. I'm just admiring you."

This made heat rise to her cheeks. "Well, why would you do such a thing?"

He only grinned at her before turning his attention toward his breakfast.

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Rey's days were consumed with training. Whether she was off doing her own studying and research, or spreading her knowledge with the others who were Force sensitive, it provided a good distraction for her, and helped to strengthen her connection with the Force.

That particular day, she chose to spend with her dear friend, Finn. She stood off to the edge of the clearing, her lips curled into a satisfied smile as she watched him finally lift the large boulder he had spent the last hour or so trying to move. A bead of sweat trickled down his brow as he held his trembling hand out, willing the Force to flow through him. The boulder slowly rose into the air, going higher, and higher still.

"Yes!" Rey called out, excited for her friend.

But the shout startled Finn, causing him to lose his focus. The boulder tumbled to the ground, and he dropped his arm to his side with a groan. "Dammit…" he muttered, turning on his heel to face her.

"No, no, you did wonderfully! I'm so proud of you!" she enthused, clasping her hands together.

"You just make all of this stuff look so easy!"

Rey laughed and gave a shrug. "You have to remember, though...I'm a special case."

He walked over to her, swinging his arm around her shoulders with a chuckle. "Special indeed. Now, how about some lunch? I'm starving." His stomach gave a growl, as if to prove his point.

"Sounds like a plan," she said, grasping the hand that was at her shoulder. "What is Rose up to?"

Finn shrugged. "She's probably working on those ships again. She just can't seem to stay away," he replied, a fond smile toying at his lips.

Rey was over the moons for the two of them. She knew that Finn had pined over her ever since they met back on Jakku while Rose watched longingly from the sidelines. It took him the longest time to even realize the girl had feelings for him, but once he did, you could see in his face just how at peace he became. They were made for each other. Just as she was made for…

She shook her head and leaned into her friend as they headed back, forcing the thought away. The day had been going well so far, she didn't need to ruin it.

Finn could feel the conflicting emotions within her. He was unsure if he should say anything, not wanting to upset her. Ever since Rey's return a little over two years prior, everyone was on eggshells around her. She usually seemed like her normal self, but if he looked close enough, he could see the emptiness in her eyes. He didn't know what could have happened out there in her travels to have caused this. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to know. "I'm always here for you, you know. Don't forget that."

"I know," she responded quietly, though Finn could no longer feel anything from her, only the coldness of the wall she built up around her mind.

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**Thanks so much for reading! Please feel free to leave a review. Constructive criticism is always welcomed! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Rey stared blankly as she pushed the food around on her plate. Beside her, Finn and Rose were deep in conversation, but she was lost in her own head. There was a part of her that was constantly in there searching, hoping that the connection she and her other half previously shared would make itself present once more.

His last words to her played like a broken record in her memories.

'_Forget me, Rey._'

But it just wasn't that easy. The final image of him walking away from her collapsed frame haunted her. He had taken her heart with him that day, leaving behind a shell of the person she had been before.

She wished she could forget.

A hand reached out to grasp hers. "Rey."

She looked up, meeting Rose's eyes. A forced smile appeared at her lips, and she pushed out a wave of reassurance into her friend. "I'm okay."

Rey could feel Finn's doubt, but Rose seemed to have bought it because she could feel her relax.

Rose squeezed her hand. "Please, eat. You're getting skinny."

She knew she was right. Her clothes didn't fit her very well anymore. They hung loosely off of her slender frame. But it was rare when her appetite would be present. She shoveled a forkful into her mouth, if only to appease her friend.

Rey hated to worry them, but no matter what she did, the light would not return to her life. Not until he did. She had tried so hard to push him from her mind, to erase his presence from her life.

'_Forget me, Rey._'

But they were a dyad in the Force. Their lives would forever be crossed. It didn't matter what he wanted. It didn't matter what _either_ of them wanted. For some reason, the Force connected them, and there was no changing that.

She continued to mindlessly eat until her plate was empty and she pushed it away from her. Rose's relief radiated into her as she collected their dishes and began washing them in the sink. "Thank you for preparing lunch, Rose. It was lovely."

"You're very welcome, Rey. You know that you are free to come over anytime you like," she said, giving her a smile.

Rey gave a nod as she stood. "I should get back to training."

"I'll come with. I wanna give that boulder another piece of my mind," Finn said with a chuckle. He had promised Poe that he would try his best to make sure she was never alone. He was worried that she might do something.

"No, I...I think I'm going to go work on some things myself." She offered him a half smile as she reached for the door. "Tomorrow," she promised.

Rose and Finn exchanged a quick look as she opened the door. "Tomorrow," Finn confirmed, with a nod, sinking back into his chair. "See ya then."

Her gaze was fixated on the ground as she walked the path out of the village.

'_Forget me, Rey._'

She felt his presence before she saw him, and lifted her head to the image of Poe jogging towards her from the shipyard as BB-8 rolled behind him. He gave her a wave and a smile. His worry was very apparent, even from a distance, and only getting stronger as he got closer, but he hid it from his face well.

Poe wrapped his arms around her and gave her a firm kiss on the temple. He pulled back to look at her, though his hands remained on her hips. "How has your day been?"

"It's been going very well. Finn is making fantastic progress with his training," she told him. "And Rose prepared us a lovely lunch."

He grinned, thrilled to hear such good news. "That's wonderful to hear. What have you got going on the rest of the day?"

She bit the inside of her cheek, debating on whether or not she should tell him the truth. She knew he didn't like her going off alone, but she was far more at ease when no one was around.

His lips pressed into a disproving line. She didn't have to say it. "Please take BB-8 with you," he sighed. Beside him, the droid beeped happily and rolled in a circle.

Rey nodded, though she didn't like it. But BB-8's presence was welcomed compared to Poe's worried stare. "I will. I'll try not to be too late."

He gave her a gentle smile and kissed her forehead. "Be safe."

"I will." The pair set off into the forest, Poe's eyes following them until they were no longer visible.

Beside her, BB-8 beeped excitedly, but Rey remained silent, not in the mood to talk. She only wished to silence the aching within her.

She placed herself in the dead center of the clearing and closed her eyes. The Force surrounded her, calming her, filling her with a sense of purpose. What that purpose was, she was still unsure of. She reached for the lightsaber at her hip.

His face appeared before her in her mind's eye. An eyebrow was lifted inquisitively, and his breathing was shallow.

'_Forget me, Rey._'

Her lightsaber ignited. His eyes flashed red.

'_Forget me, Rey._'

She allowed the Force to flow through her, guiding her movements.

'_Forget me, Rey._'

She took a swing, and the image evaporated from her mind.

By the time she returned it was very dark, and Poe was fast asleep. She crawled in beside him, being very careful not to wake him. She laid facing him, admiring the man beside her. She wished she could love him. His features were soft with sleep, though his brows were furrowed. She reached out, giving his cheek a gentle stroke, and watched them relax. She wished this life could be hers.

Her eyes closed, and the image she had fought to eradicate appeared before her once again. His silky black hair blew gently with the breeze, his dark brown eyes distraught as he eyed her. Those beautiful, soft lips trembled as he murmured, '_Forget me, Rey._'

Who was she kidding? She would never forget about Ben Solo.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Rey came to, lifting her own hand to grasp the one upon her stomach. Their eyes met as she pulled herself upward, and her own widened in surprise. She had been dead, of that she was sure. She scoured his face, her brows knitting together inquisitively.

'_Ben,_' she murmured, a smile appearing upon her lips. After a moment of hesitation, she put a hand to his cheek, pulling him into a tender kiss. She felt his hands move to either side of her face, holding her in place. The air around them became electric, the Force moving between them so naturally. And for once, they were both entirely at peace.

They held one another close for several moments, frozen in time, before pulling away. She watched him study her face, almost as if he were memorising every last detail. The love and affection he had for her was heavy as it enveloped them. His face split into a grin. It was the most beautiful thing that Rey had ever seen, causing a foreign sensation to stir in her gut.

But as quickly as it appeared, it changed, morphing into something entirely different. The air around them grew cold, and she felt the waves of his affection shift into something darker. Much darker. His grin turned sinister. '_Why should I let anyone else have the satisfaction of killing you?_'

She gasped, eyes going wide as he lifted his hands to her throat and began to squeeze. Her own hands flew to his wrists, struggling to pry him off, but he was far too strong. When that proved impossible, she began to thrash her body, hoping to throw him off of her, to make him lose his balance, _anything_.

'_Ben...p-please,_' she choked out, though she knew the end was growing near. She threw her knee out, hoping to catch him in the groin, but he sensed it and twisted out of her way.

His grin only widened, and he let out a wicked laugh. '_You were always supposed to die by my hand, scavenger,_' he spat venomously, eyes dancing with the flames of malice.

'_Rey…_' she heard in the distance, though she could barely hear it over the ringing in her ears. She dug her nails into the flesh of his fingers, but it was in vain.

'_Rey…_' the voice said again, closer, louder this time. She could feel herself growing lightheaded, her body screaming at her to give up. And right as she was about to succumb to the darkness...

"Rey!"

She started awake, sitting upright so quickly that she began to see stars. Her chest heaved with every gasp of air, her hair plastered to her forehead with sweat. The steady stream of tears flowing down her cheeks quickly turned into sobs. She turned to look at Poe who was anxiously chewing at his lower lip. Rey crashed into him, clinging to his shirt.

Poe gathered her in his arms, shushing her as he gently rocked. He pressed gentle, soothing kisses to her hairline. "You're okay," he whispered. "I've got you. You're safe."

Slowly, he felt her body relax, and her sniffling subsided. He stroked her hair, the silky strands sliding easily between his fingers. He watched as her furrowed brow smoothed out, and listened as her breath became slow and deep. Once he knew she was asleep again, he murmured, "I love you, Rey," into her hair before allowing himself to relax and drift off into a restless sleep.

When Poe awoke the following morning, the bed beside him was empty. He heaved a heavy sigh, running his fingers through his hair. No matter how many times he woke up alone, it still stung. He just couldn't understand why Rey still refused to open up to him. There wasn't anything she could do or say that would change his feelings for her.

He swung his legs out of bed and gave a stretch, groaning as his joints popped. As he dressed for the day, the night before replayed in his mind. It had been several weeks since he had heard that name pass her lips. She never spoke of him, only ever calling his name out while she slumbered. He didn't dare ask her about it. She was clearly very distraught over whatever came to her in her dreams.

Instead of preparing breakfast as usual, he left the house, making his way up the path to the home of his best friend. He had to talk to someone about it. Finn must have sensed him coming, because as Poe lifted his fist to give a light knock, the door opened to reveal the man, his mouth pressed in a thin line. He stepped aside, gesturing for Poe to enter.

"It was _him_ again," the pilot muttered as he passed, collapsing into a chair.

Finn took the seat across from him, resting his elbows on the table between them, his hands clasped together. The frustration and resentment rolled off of Poe, but, most of all, Finn could feel just how exhausted the man was. He stayed quiet, allowing his friend to speak.

"He's been dead for damn near six years now." His voice was hushed, but intense. He did not want to alert Rose, who he could hear getting ready for the day in the next room. He did not want to concern her. "And yet he is still ever present in her dreams. No, not dreams...nightmares. Do you think…" he shook his head as he trailed off, the idea seeming arbitrary.

Finn raised an eyebrow. "Do I think what exactly? You of all people should know nothing is ever really impossible."

Poe sighed. "Do you think he is still able to connect with her from the dead?"

The former Stormtrooper gave a shrug. "As far as I'm aware, only Jedi spirits are able to walk the earth after passing."

"Well, do you think she could have lied to us? Could Kylo Ren still be out there?"

Finn shook his head. "No, it would be very unlike her to lie. And, besides, I may still be pretty new at this whole thing, but I feel no disturbance in the Force whatsoever."

Poe chewed at his lower lip. He knew he was right, but he also knew that Rey had a way of telling the truth without ever actually saying anything. She always knew just what to say and how to say it. He often wondered if she ever used any of those Jedi mind tricks on them. "I'm just so worried about her."

"I know...I am too. But what is there to do? She's very stubborn."

Poe gave a soft laugh, staring intently at his hands.

"Look, in the meantime, the best thing you can do for her is to take care of yourself, alright? You're exhausting yourself," Finn said after a moment of silence, eyeing the bags under his eyes. "Rey is stronger than we know."

Poe's rubbed at his temples. "You're right."

Finn stood up, reaching his hand out to his friend. Once Poe took it, he pulled him up and into a hug, giving him a light squeeze.

Poe pulled back, giving his friend's shoulders a grateful squeeze. "Thanks, man."

"Anytime," he responded with a half smile.

Just then, Rose emerged from the other room. At the sight of Poe, a large, welcoming grin erupted on her face. "Well, isn't this a nice surprise… Would you like some breakfast?"

Poe shook his head. "No, thank you. I should be getting back…" He didn't want Rey to return while he was gone.

Her face fell, but she gave a nod. "That's quite alright. Give Rey my love for me," she replied, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Will do. See you guys soon," Poe said, giving them both a wave as he left.

As he made his way back home, there was a sinking feeling in his gut. Despite his friend's reassurances, he was still convinced that there had to be something seriously wrong that he should be worried about. He would never know until Rey decided to be upfront and honest with him.

Arriving home, he immediately knew something was off. The air somehow felt emptier than it had been when he left. He kicked off his shoes and moved into the kitchen. There, on the table, was a note. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he picked it up.

_I need some time alone with my thoughts._

_Be back later._

_Rey_

Poe glanced around, noticing that a few of her belongings were missing. A bag, some clothing, her saber. He gave a heavy sigh, and crumpled the note in his fist.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The dream from the night before was at the forefront of her mind as she hiked her way to the Millennium Falcon. The memory of that fateful day was already painful enough without the addition of him trying to murder her. She shuddered, clenching her teeth. _Though, even the nightmares that featured him were better than reality without, _a voice in the back of her mind whispered.

The ship was tucked away in a clearing, deep within the woods. She had no intention of flying it. Not now. She only came here to escape. Out here, she didn't have to have her walls up, she didn't have to pretend she was okay. It was exhausting to constantly be forcing herself to smile, and make small talk. She really needed a break from it all.

Besides, Rey could feel the ghost of his presence within the halls of the ship. It had been quite awhile since she had attempted to reach him, but she had grown stronger since then. The dream planted a new seed of determination within her. She was just hoping that it would be enough this time.

Her fingers trailed over the walls, feeling the hum of the memories within. Every now and then she would catch a glimpse of a small, dark haired child out of the corner of her eye. Though, whenever she would turn to him, he was gone.

Then, there was laughter. It was music to her ears. She followed the noise which led her into the cockpit. There she found the young boy, kneeling in the pilot chair, fingers pressing whatever buttons, knobs, and switches he could actually reach. She couldn't help but smile.

'_Pew! Pew! I got ya now! Wait until my daddy sees what you've done…_' He froze suddenly, as if hearing something, and turned to face her. The boy was looking in her direction, but seemed to be seeing through her. '_Hey, what are you doing here?_' he said, head tilting to the side before the image of him disappeared.

Rey blinked a few times, a wave of despair washing over her. She moved forward, placing her hand on the seat that once held a young Ben Solo, but she felt nothing. Rotating the chair, she lowered herself to sit, and trailed her fingers across the dash.

'_I bet you can't find me!_' The voice came echoing down the hall, and Rey whipped around at the sound. She rose slowly and took a step. The Force tugged at her gently, pulling her forward.

Muffled giggles grew louder as she crept through the hallways. She followed it to a door, one she had never paid any mind to before. Her hand paused on the doorknob, warmth flowing over her.

The room was small, taken up mostly by a cot, and she could see a foot sticking out from underneath it. Rey crouched down, lifting the blanket that was hanging off of it, obstructing her view. She was met with the young boy, hands clasped over his mouth as he tried to stifle his giggles. His brown eyes were bright with delight.

'_How'd you find me?_' he exclaimed before the image evaporated.

She stood up straight, glancing around. The first thing she noticed was a tattered stuffed toy laying haphazardly on the table beside the cot. She picked it up, feeling the Force hum at the contact, and hugged it to her chest. Her eyes moved to the drawings on the wall. She smiled fondly as she admired one in particular. There were four figures, a small one with black hair, two medium ones with brown hair, and a large one which was entirely hair. There were smiles on all of their faces, and 'family' was written in a childish scrawl above them.

Rey smoothed a hand over the cot before taking a seat and placing the stuffed toy beside her. She tucked her legs beneath her and placed her hands beside her as she closed her eyes. After pulling in a deep breath, she exhaled slowly through barely parted lips.

"Be with me." Her mind reached out, though it quickly became apparent that it would not be easy trying to find what she was looking for. Or rather, _who_ she was looking for.

"Be with me," she breathed again, willing herself to succumb fully to the Force.

"Be with me..."

For days she sat, unmoving on that cot, though her mind was deep within the folds of the Force. It was cold, so very cold as she searched for the connection they once shared. She knew it was still there; she could feel it. However, she didn't understand why he had worked so hard at blocking it from her now. A few times, she thought she had found the glimmer of a tether that would connect her to him, only to have it burn out before she could ever reach it. She found herself growing frustrated, but refused to allow it to get the best of her.

On day six, Rey took a deep breath, holding it within her chest. She willed all of the strength, hope, and perseverance left within her to aid her. It rose to a boil inside of her, until she felt as if she was going to burst. And, suddenly, there it was. A beacon of light in the darkness. Everything inside of her grew still as she reached out with the Force to grab it.

Her eyes flew open as her ears began to ring with a familiar buzz. Something she hadn't felt in quite some time, but had been eagerly awaiting ever since she had last laid eyes on him. The strength of the connection hit her like a ton of bricks, knocking the wind out of her.

She went to the door, and there he was, as tall and as handsome as ever.

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**This one's a tad short, I apologize. BUUUUUUUT next chapter will make it all worth it :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Surprise flashed across his face very briefly before disappearing. He looked and felt different than she remembered. Warmer. His old all-black garb had been abandoned and replaced with a deep green tunic and sandy brown trousers. It was truly a beautiful sight to behold.

"Ben?" she felt herself say, but the name barely made a sound as it passed her lips. Once the shock of his presence wore off, she felt all her pent up rage build inside of her chest. "Where have you been?" she screamed at him, fists balling at her sides.

Ben eyed her, jaw clenched, face void of emotion, though he was impressed that she had finally been able to reach him. He could feel how hurt she was, radiating off of her in waves. He could drown in it, yet he did not allow himself to react to it. "I've been...away."

Rey scoffed. "_Away_? That's all you have to say for yourself? After all this time?"

He averted his eyes, choosing instead to peer off into the distance beyond her.

After a moment of silence, she continued, voice barely a murmur, "How could you do this to me?"

His gaze flickered back up to hers, where he could see tears beginning to pool. The aching in his chest intensified. He never meant to hurt her, he truly felt as if he had done what was best. "Rey, I…" he cleared his throat, "I needed to be alone for a little while."

She let out an exasperated laugh. "A little while? I haven't been able to reach you for nearly _six years!_" The tears began flowing freely now, and she felt herself begin to tremble. "A-And now here you are! I've finally broken through your barriers, and all you have to say for yourself is that you needed to be _alone_? Did you ever stop to consider where I was or how I was coping with all of this?"

Ben's face softened. Of course he had considered those things. She was the only thing that was ever on his mind, despite how hard he tried to forget her. "Rey, I'm sorry."

Rey choked back tears, turning away, but, as she twisted, her knees gave out. She reached her hands out to catch her fall, but before she hit the ground, a pair of strong arms circled around her, and Ben pulled her against his broad chest. He held her, squeezing tighter as she began beating at his chest with her fists.

Ben dropped the dam he had built in their bond, allowing Rey to experience everything he had spent the last several years hiding from her. Finally, she stilled, her sobs subsiding as she was hit with wave after wave of resentment, anger, confusion, pain, regret, and…love, desire, _hope_. The warmth from it all filled her chest, consumed her mind.

"I wanted nothing more than to be here with you, Rey."

She met his gaze, her lower lip trembling. "Then why weren't you?"

"I needed time to consider...to consider my new life. I was terrified, Rey. I _am_ terrified. Terrified that I'm not good enough for you; that you would see that I'm not worth everything you have put yourself through. Or that your friends would try to murder me…" He was silent for a moment before whispering, "Could you even blame them? After all the shit I've done? You've said it yourself; I'm a monster."

"You're not a monster," she told him, taking his face in her hands. "Kylo Ren was a monster. That's not you anymore. He has been dead since…"

"Since you tried to kill me on one of Endor's moons?" he finished for her, his husky voice tinged humor.

Rey's eyes widened and she stammered out, "I'm v-very sorry. I wasn't thinking...I didn't mean-"

"Shut up," he said firmly. He cupped the back of her head in his hand and pulled her into him, crashing their lips together.

The air around them grew still, though they could feel the Force humming with pleasure within them. _A dyad in the Force. Two beings as one._ They had been apart for so long, but now they were together and everything felt right once more.

Rey wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him tighter to her. Ben's free hand pressed into the small of her back. They couldn't get any closer, yet it still was not enough.

Her lips parted at the touch of his tongue, and her own reached out to meet it, feeling sparks at the contact. They explored each other's mouths, soaking up the taste of one another, until Ben gave her lower lip a gentle bite which elicited a muffled moan. They pulled apart, only to meet again with a soft peck to her lips, followed closely by another upon her cheek and one more to her forehead.

After a moment, he pulled back to look at her, taking it all in. Rey's cheeks were tinged pink, and her heart was racing. Her soft mouth was parted slightly as her breathing settled. He reached up to brush a strand of hair out of her face. There was a hunger in Ben's eyes that she could see him fighting with.

"Where are you? I need-" Before she could finish, the form of Ben Solo faded into nothing. She frantically tried to cling to him, to make him stay, but it was in vain. She collapsed to the ground. A sob wracked through her body, and she let out a frustrated scream. The air around her grew cold in the absence of him.

Ben slammed his fist into the wall, feeling the skin of his knuckles split under the force of it. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks as he felt the emptiness creep back into his chest. He had worked so hard to make himself inaccessible to her in an attempt to help her move on, to forget, and heal.

Clearly, she had done none of those things, but he took comfort in knowing that she was alive and safe. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. The passion that he had always admired was still alive and raging within her.

The image of her consumed him as he paced anxiously. The raw emotion in her eyes, her slender frame, the softness of the features of her face. There were so many things that he longed to share with her, yet he still had so much to figure out for himself.

But he did know one thing for certain. He was never going to put either of them through the pain of being away from each other for so long ever again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey, guys! Thanks for accompanying me on this journey so far. I appreciate all of you :)**

**Just a heads up, I have started making a small playlist on Spotify of songs that have been inspiring me or give me Reylo vibes. If you'd like to check it out, it's titled _Home by Flying Space Muffins_. I know, very creative.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy :)**

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Chapter Six

Something had changed in the week while she was away, of that Poe was sure. There was a twinkle in her eyes, she held herself higher, her step was lighter, she genuinely smiled. He didn't ask her what happened out there, but he was very grateful for it. His Rey was back. And he did not mean the physical form of her, but the _real_ Rey. The Rey that had never returned from Exegol.

He watched her devour her food from across the table, unable to stop the smile upon his lips. There was a knock at the door, and, before he could react, she was up out of her seat, practically bouncing her way to open it.

"Rey, you're back!" Finn exclaimed, pulling her into a hug.

She grinned at him, nodding. "Yes, just a little bit ago. Are you hungry? Come, sit with us!" She took his hand and tugged him to the table before he could get any words out.

He threw Poe a look, as he took a seat, an eyebrow raised in inquiry. Poe only shrugged in response, relief etched on his features.

Rey assembled him a plate and set it in front of him before returning to her seat. "How are you? How's Rose?"

"We're both doing very well." He glanced down at his plate, pushing the food around. "Well, actually, I came over because I had to tell _someone_…"

Her eyes went wide and she reached out to touch his knee.

They both watched Finn with bated breath, waiting for him to continue. "I'm going to propose to her tomorrow night," he finally said. You could see how nervous the man was at just the mention of it.

"Holy shit," Poe said, clapping him on the shoulder as Rey moved in to give him another hug. "That's wonderful news! And it's about time, might I add."

Finn laughed. "Thanks, man."

Rey pulled back to look her friend in the eye. "I am so happy for you two," she told him, a warm smile on her face. "She's going to be over the moons."

"I sure hope so. I'm so nervous."

She giggled, "I get it, but there's nothing to be nervous about. You two are head over heels for each other."

Poe eyed her with a smile, reaching out to take her hand. He had missed her, had missed _this_. The spark was back in her. She met his gaze, returning his smile. He could see a hint of sadness in her eyes, but he was unsure as to what to make of it. At least they weren't empty anymore.

The three of them finished their lunch, chattering happily about Finn and Rose, the ship Poe had been working on restoring, and the progress of Rey's training. Finn left shortly after and Rey gathered the dishes, washing them in the sink. Poe approached her from behind, winding his arms around her waist and pressing a kiss to her shoulder. He felt her stiffen just barely under his touch, but she continued to scrub the plate in her hands.

He wanted to spend time with her, but he could tell that she wanted to be alone. "I'm gonna go work on the ship some more," he told her as he pulled away.

She nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. "Okay. I was planning on doing some studying, anyway."

"I'll see you later." He gave her a parting kiss on the cheek before heading out.

_Finally_. She finished cleaning up and moved to the other room, taking a seat on the floor. Coming back here had been exhausting. She felt like an animal in a cage with eyes constantly on her, probing her. Rey understood that Poe was worried about her, but his constant doting was beginning to irritate her. She had to find some way to distance herself, to break things off, without completely ruining their friendship.

After seeing him the day before, the image, the smell, the taste of him consumed her. She had been up all night thinking about him, mulling over the concerns he had voiced. He was very valid in his worries. His whole life had been flipped upside down on Exegol. But that didn't change the fact that she needed him, and she could feel that he needed her too.

Her eyes slid closed, but before she even had the chance to search for it, the connection wrapped around her mind, and a buzzing filled her ears. He must have been trying to connect as well.

She looked up, warmth filling her at the sight of him. "Ben."

He crouched down in front of her, cupping her cheek in his hand as he planted a long kiss upon her lips. "Rey," he murmured as he pulled back.

He took a seat in front of her, taking her small hands in his large ones. He ran his thumb over her skin, causing a tingle to go up her arm. They sat in silence for a few moments, just taking each other in.

"I've been thinking…" they both began at the same time.

Ben chuckled, "You go first."

Rey nodded, clearing her throat. "I've been thinking a lot about what you said. As much as I have missed you, and wanted you here with me...I understand why you haven't been."

He sighed with relief, his body relaxing. The corner of his lips lifted in a half-smile.

"You have every right to be scared, Ben," she continued, her voice soft. "But I do want you to know that you're worth everything. All the shit this life has put me through, and put _you_ through...all the pain and heartbreak, all the loss...it all happened to bring me to you. I truly believe that. Everything feels right with you."

He lifted a hand to touch her face, and she leaned into it, bringing her own hand up to cover his. "I agree. I'm done telling myself that you're better off without me. Because _I'm_ not better off without _you_. I'm gonna be selfish. I need you, Rey. These past six years have been miserable without you. I've been so lost."

Rey crawled into his lap, leaning into his chest and closing her eyes. He wrapped his arms around her small frame, dropping a kiss into her hair before resting his chin on her head.

"I don't know what to do, Rey. I can't just come waltzing back. Everyone thinks I'm dead, and I know they would like it to stay that way."

"_I_ don't want it to stay that way. I want to have a life with you, a home. I want to make up for all the time we have missed... But, again, I understand. It's not going to be easy." She sighed, looking up at him. "I want you to take all the time you need to feel comfortable. For now, I am content just being able to see you again."

He pressed his lips to hers. "Thank you."

"Can we do this again tomorrow? Can we do this every single day until we are together for real?"

Ben laughed softly, nodding. "Yes, I am more than okay with that."

She kissed him once more, feeling the connection begin to dissipate.

"Tomorrow," he promised as he faded from her vision, and she fell to the floor.

Rey gave a heavy sigh. It was never going to be easy seeing him disappear. She could only look forward to the future. A future they shared, where neither of them ever had to leave again.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Rey was the most rested she had been in years. She woke with the sun, leaving a sleeping Poe behind as she quietly slipped into proper clothes and crept out into the crisp morning air. The village was silent, nobody was awake quite yet. That was how Rey liked it.

She made her way to the clearing in the woods, moving to the center of it. Her eyes closed, and she took in a deep breath of the fresh air surrounding her. She reached her hand back, grasping her staff. The Force moved within her, guiding her movements. Striking forward, she let out a yell. She jabbed it back and to the right, giving it a spin before turning on her heel and striking once more.

This time, however, it came in contact with something and her eyes flew open. She hadn't even felt his presence, yet there he was, both hands grasping the large stick that had stopped her staff. Her breath caught in her throat as her eyes traveled down to his bare chest. He smirked at her, a playful glint in his eyes.

"Well, don't stop on my account," he told her, and she pulled back.

She jumped, bringing the staff down on him. He shifted out of her way, retaliating with a side swipe which she easily blocked with a twist of her weapon. They danced together this way for several minutes before Rey gave a particularly hard whip of her staff and the stick in Ben's hands went flying.

She took this opportunity to make a slash at him, but he caught it, middair, and used it to pull her to him. "You've always been good… But you've definitely gotten better," he told her, his admiration apparent as he pulled her into a kiss.

Rey released her staff and let it fall to the ground, one hand moving up to tangle into his messy hair, the other moving to his cheek. She tilted her head, deepening the kiss as she allowed their tongues to dance together. His fingers dug into the flesh of her hips as he held her flush against him.

Ben pulled back for air, having already been out of breath from their duel. He pressed his forehead to hers, looking deep into her eyes. "I can't get enough of you," he growled, and she shuddered at the sound of it, heat rising to her cheeks. Her hands slid down to his bare chest, splaying her fingers over it. She moved over his skin, pausing every now and then to trace over a scar.

Out of nowhere, Poe's voice rang in the back of her mind, and guilt rose to the surface. '_What do you think you're doing?_' The words from her memory were shaky and frantic, laced with pain.

Ben seemed oblivious to it, leaning down to kiss at her neck. "Ben," she murmured, though his kisses continued.

"Yes?" he responded against her skin.

"I have to be honest with you…"

He could feel her unease through their connection, and he pulled back to look at her, examining her features with a creased brow.

She cleared her throat. "Well, after you disappeared, I gave you some space. I knew you needed it, no matter how much it hurt me. But, after awhile, I went searching for you… I looked all over the galaxy and never found even a clue to your whereabouts. I gave up after several years, and...and, well, I was a mess." Rey paused, looking down.

Ben smoothed a hand over her hair, allowing it to travel down her back where he made soothing circles with his fingers. He kept quiet, allowing her to continue.

"I was in a dark place. A _very_ dark place," she admitted, a shiver rolling down her spine at the thought of it. He could feel the weight of her words, sensing the coldness of that time within the Force. "But someone was there to help guide me out of it."

Ben watched the image of Poe Dameron flit through her memories. Cooking her breakfast, taking her hand, tucking her into bed, kissing her forehead, consoling her... "The pilot," he muttered. His grip on her tightened, and fear flashed through her as she felt the rage build within him.

Six years before, Ben would have lashed out. He would have yelled, he would have stomped, he may have even resorted to violence. This version of Ben was different. While he had been away, he had plenty of time to examine himself and his former life, finding it easiest to seclude himself with his thoughts. He couldn't change the past, who he had been, but he _could_ guide his future in a better direction. Where there was warmth, light, happiness. Where there was Rey.

Was he upset about the information? Well, yes. But was it going to change his feelings towards the girl in his arms? Absolutely not.

So, he swallowed his pride, and inhaled deeply before raising his hand to lift her chin. Their eyes met, and she let out a shaky breath. The air between them settled, and a wave of reassurance washed over her, but she could still sense the jealousy that he was trying to conceal from her.

"I'm thankful for him for being there for you," he told her. His words were truthful, of that she could tell. He _was_ thankful, but he was also remorseful. "I'm truly sorry that I wasn't."

"You are now." She cupped his cheek, rising to place a kiss on his lips, relief radiating off of her at his reaction. "That's what matters."

He gave her a half smile, and pulled her against him once more. They held each other for awhile, soaking in each other's company, enjoying the warmth of their shared connection until Ben cleared his throat. "What do you say to another duel?"

Rey grinned. "You're on."

They split apart, Rey holding her hands out in front of her to pull her staff from the ground using the Force. He did the same, giving a twirl of the large stick in his hands.

Ben was the first to strike, and Rey crouched to avoid it, retaliating with one of her own to his legs, which he blocked with ease. She leapt back, bringing her staff up to block the stick as it came down on her from above. Rey spun with the staff, but instead of making contact to his bare torso, it went right through him, and his image dissipated with the wind.

She sighed, slumping to the ground. Rey felt lighter after coming clean about Poe Dameron, yet the guilt still remained. Poe didn't deserve to be used in such a way. Yet it had been so easy, so natural. She had needed him. Where would she be now had it not been for him?

Dead. Rey would be dead. She shuddered. And if she was dead...what would that mean for Ben? Would he have felt it when she passed? Would he have grieved for her? She shook her head, erasing the thoughts from her mind.

When it came down to it, she had done what she had needed to to survive. To survive without Ben. It wasn't her fault that he had left her, and she shouldn't feel guilty for trying to live without him.

Rey lifted herself from the ground and cleaned herself off. She just had to move forward. What she had to do was going to hurt, but she knew it needed to happen. She just had to gather the courage to do it.

Later that evening, excitement bubbled in her gut as she made her way over to her best friend's home. She didn't even bother knocking, just barged right in with a huge grin on her face. It faded as she saw Finn, pacing nervously and muttering to himself with a small wooden box in his hands. He stopped in his tracks, hiding the box behind his back once he noticed her presence, eyes wide.

Finn sighed with relief when he realized it was only Rey. "Holy shit, I thought you were Rose."

The girl laughed, approaching him for a hug. She pushed serenity into him through their contact, feeling his body relax. Rey pulled back to look at him, her hands resting on his biceps. "I told Poe last night that I would come over and help you. He's keeping her busy at the shipyard until nightfall."

"No wonder she told me to fend for myself for dinner," he muttered.

She pulled off her backpack and placed it on the table. "So, here's the plan. You're gonna be in charge of spreading these," she told him, handing him a bag of wildflower petals that she had collected on her way home earlier that day. "I want you to make a path to the back door."

"Sounds simple enough," he said, slipping the wooden box into his pocket as he took the petals.

"I will handle the rest, okay?" She gave him a reassuring smile.

Rey collected a couple plates and forks from their cupboards and carried them out back along with her backpack. She quickly got to work, stringing up twinkling lights along the pergola above her. They had a small table out there which she covered with a cream table cloth before meticulously placing the plates and silverware.

Finn appeared out back as she was setting out several candles of various sizes on the table. She turned to look at him, watching the awe twinkle in his eyes as he took in the scene. "What do you think? Is it too much?"

"It's beautiful, Rey. Thank you." He gathered her into a tight hug.

She smiled, elated that she could help her friend. "You are very welcome, Finn. Now, all you need to do is relax," she instructed, pushing him down into one of the chairs.

"Rey, I'm so glad you're back," he told her quietly as she pulled a box from her bag.

She paused, looking at him. He did not mean physically. No, he meant the _real_ Rey. The Rey that he had first met back on Jakku, not the shell of the girl that she had been the past several years. "Me too."

She pulled two beautiful pieces of fruit cake from the box and placed each one on a plate. Finn's mouth watered at the sight of them, and she gave a laugh. "You must wait."

Rey froze. She could suddenly feel Rose approaching, and she quickly lit the candles, adjusting a couple as she went. "I gotta go," she told him.

Finn's eyes widened, and he paled slightly. "No no no no…"

"Listen to me," she said firmly, putting her hands on his shoulders. She allowed a wave of calmness to wash over him. "You're going to do great."

"Thanks, Rey," he sighed, a small smile toying at his lips.

She pressed a kiss to his cheek before sneaking around the side of the building, to the front. Rose had just barely missed her small frame as it disappeared down the path to her home.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the delay, I've been struggling. But here is a quick bit before it gets juicy in the next chapter! That should be up later tonight, or sometime tomorrow. It was originally going to be one huge chapter but I felt bad not putting anything out the past several days, so here's something.**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

Chapter Eight

By mid afternoon, the news had spread of the happy couple's engagement, and there was to be a party held in the common hall later that evening. Rey and Poe made their way over to their friends' home, eager to give their congratulations. He reached out to take her hand as they walked, and she could feel how content he felt at the contact. She chewed nervously at her lip, her underlying guilt bubbling back up to the surface.

Poe gave a firm knock on the door, and it opened to reveal Finn, a wide, elated smile across his face. "Hey, guys!"

Finn's eyebrows creased together, feeling the unease coming from Rey. He gave her a quizzical look, his gaze flitting to their clasped hands. Rey quickly pulled it away and gave him a sheepish smile, forcing a wall up in her mind. He was quickly distracted by Poe enveloping him in a big hug.

"Congrats, buddy! See, I told you she'd say yes!" he told him as he pulled back.

"I wouldn't have been able to do it without you guys. Especially you, Rey. I was contemplating running away before you showed up!" he joked, chuckling to himself, though Rey could tell there was some truth to his words.

She leaned forward, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "I am always happy to help!" Finn stepped aside, allowing the two to enter and Rey moved forward to give Rose a squeeze. "I'm so happy for you guys," she gushed.

Rose grinned and held her left hand out to her. "Can you believe he _made_ this?"

Rey took her hand in her own, gasping. It was a polished wood with vines carved into it which appeared as if they were holding the small stone in place. "This is absolutely beautiful." She turned to look at Finn. "When did you get so good at this?"

The man shrugged. "I've had a lot of free time while Rose is out at the shipyard."

He approached his fiance, putting an arm around her. She leaned into him, wrapping her own around his waist. "It couldn't be more perfect," she said. Her voice was light and airy, full of love and admiration.

Rey felt her hand be taken, and she glanced down at it before looking up at Poe. He tilted his head towards the door. The two needed some privacy. She nodded, and cleared her throat. "We're gonna get going. We were on our way to help set up the party."

Finn and Rose shook themselves out of their daze. "Oh, yes, of course!" Rose said. "We'll come with you!"

"No, no, no. You two stay here," Poe told them. "Enjoy yourselves! And we will see you in a couple hours."

The four of them exchanged hugs as they said their goodbyes and parted ways.

"They look so happy," Poe noted, taking Rey's hand once more.

She nodded, smiling to herself. Ben's face flashed through her mind, his eyes glowing with the same adoration that the two lovebirds had shared, and the corner of his lips lifted in a soft smile. Warmth rose to her cheeks and she pulled her hand away.

Poe frowned, but didn't say anything.

Entering the hall, they were met with the loud, excited chatter of all of their friends. They split up, Poe going to help set up the tables and chairs, and Rey going to help Chewbacca with the streamers. He was standing on his tip-toes, yet it was just barely out of his reach. She could sense his frustration as she approached him.

"Hey, Chewie," she greeted. He turned, enveloping her in a big, furry hug.

"AAARARRRGWWWH," he responded and ruffled her hair.

"Would you like some assistance?" she offered.

He nodded, muttering, "Ggwwwrghh."

She yelped as his hands went to her waist and he lifted her into the air. "Chewy! I meant… I can use the Force, you know!"

"RRRAARRWHHGWWR," was all he said as he lowered her back to the ground.

Rey laughed, bent over with one hand on her knees, the other on her chest. Chewy patted her back, chuckling a bit himself. After a moment, her heart had slowed, and she stood up straight once more.

She took a deep breath before lifting the streamer into the air with the Force, followed by a tack to hold it in place on the beams of the ceiling. The air around her grew still as she repeated the process until it was complete. She could feel eyes on her as she worked, but she chose to ignore them.

Rey had to remind herself that she and Finn were the only ones around there that were Force sensitive. To others, it was something to gawk at, something to be in awe of. To Rey, the Force was completely natural. It was the air, the dirt, balance between life and death, good and evil.

Chewbacca offered her a high five that nearly knocked her over when the job was done. "GGGWARRRHHWWWW," he said to her, and she smiled.

"Thanks, Chewie."

She put her hands on her hips and surveyed the room. Everything was coming along nicely, which was a relief because there was only about an hour left until the party was supposed to start.

"Oh, crap, I've gotta go change!" she muttered, realizing she was still in the clothes she had been training in earlier that day. She hurried towards the door, hollering back to Chewbacca, "I'll be right back!"

Once home, Rey quickly stripped of her clothing, and got herself washed up. She slipped on a cream colored dress. It fell just below her knees, had a scoop neck, and long bell sleeves. It was very simple, but so was she. She left her wavy hair down, allowing it to cascade down to the middle of her back. It had grown quite a bit, she noted, typically wearing it up in a bun to keep it out of her way. She slid her boots back on before heading back out again.

Ahead of her, she could see the forms of Finn and Rose on their way to the party. She broke into a jog to catch up to them. "Hey, guys!" she greeted as they turned at the sound of her approach.

They both grinned at her. "Holy shit, Rey. I've never seen you get dressed up before. Where's this been hiding?" Finn asked, astonished.

She laughed and gave a shrug. "I found it awhile back in an abandoned trunk along with some other things. It needed some mending, but it fit like a glove. Thought tonight would be the perfect night to dig it out."

"You look lovely," Rose chimed in as they continued on towards the hall. She put an arm around Rey's waist.

"You two don't look so bad yourselves," she said with a smile, placing her own arm around her shoulders.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

When the three of them entered the hall, everyone cheered, approaching the happy couple to give their congratulations. Rey moved to the side, watching her friends with a smile. She looked around, catching Poe's gaze from across the room. His eyes were wide, and his jaw was slack. Heat rose to her cheeks, and she gave him a small wave.

He shook his head to pull himself out of his daze and approached her. "You look incredible," he breathed, taking her face in his hands and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Thank you," she murmured.

After a while, everyone got food for themselves and found a place to sit. The room was filled with the sounds of happy chatter, and cutlery against plates. As people were finishing their meals, Finn stood up, clearing his throat. It grew silent.

"I just wanted to say thank you to all of you. You guys are my family. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you." He smiled, turning to Rose. "But most importantly, I wanted to say thank you to Rose. You have given me a greater purpose in life. I never expected things to make so much sense, as they do with you. You are my light, my love, my Rose. And I'm so very thankful that you chose me to spend the rest of your days with. I love you."

Rose jumped from her seat, throwing her arms around him and planting a kiss on his lips. Tears flowed down both pairs of cheeks, but there were smiles on both of their faces. Everyone broke into applause for them, wiping their own tears away. The two returned to their seats, sharing a quiet conversation and sweet kisses.

Once everyone had finished eating and cleaned up, the tables and chairs were pushed aside, and music filled the air. Poe approached Rey, holding a glass filled with a bubbly liquid, and handed it to her. She took it, giving it a sniff.

Poe laughed. "Just try it! I think you'll like it."

She took a hesitant sip. It was crisp and sweet, and filled her with warmth. "Mmm, this is delicious!" Before she knew what she was doing, she tilted her head back and emptied the glass into her mouth.

He grinned at her, taking her hand and pulling her to the dance floor. He began to move to the music. She took a deep breath, allowing the music to flow through her and guide her movements as she did with the Force. As the music slowed, Poe's hands settled at her hips, and her arms moved around his neck as he pulled her against him.

They swayed in silence for awhile, Poe occasionally pressing a kiss to her shoulder. She leaned into him, her lips lifted in a content smile.

After a moment, Poe gently cleared his throat. "Rey, there's something I…"

Suddenly, the familiar buzz met her ears, and she froze, her breath catching in her throat as she frantically looked around. She found him watching her from across the room, a scowl on his face. Jealousy burned in his eyes as they moved down to Poe's hands on her hips, and his lips against her ear. It radiated across the room, looming heavily over her.

"I-I will be right back," she muttered, pulling away from Poe.

His brows knit together, and she could feel him grow worried, but he nodded. "Okay."

She hurried outside and found a secluded spot around the side of the building. Ben followed close behind.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded, flustered. She could see the hunger in his eyes as he drank in her appearance. It made her shiver.

He took a step forward, and she a step back, repeating until her back touched the side of the building. Ben put a hand on the wall above her left shoulder, the other moving to her hip where Poe's had been minutes before. "You're _mine_," he growled.

When their lips met, electricity sparked in the air. It was frantic and passionate, hungry and possessive. Teeth dug into her lower lip and a low groan escaped her.

He lifted her, and her legs easily went around his waist, her dress bunching up at her hips. One hand moved into his hair, the other clenched the front of his tunic in a fist. His moved to grip her bare thighs, holding her tight against him. He broke free of her lips, trailing open-mouthed kisses down her neck. Her head tilted to the side, allowing him better access.

"Only I get to touch you," he muttered against her neck, his fingers digging into her skin. "Only _I_ get to kiss you, and love you."

She could feel the pain and regret radiating off of him, and she probed gently into his mind, his vulnerability making him easy to access. Images of the two of them played in his thoughts. Laughing over breakfast, snuggling up together in bed, hovering over a small dark haired child. Things that could have been. Things that still could be...

_I should have been here all along_, he thought, feeling her presence within him. _I was a fool to think we'd be better off without each other_. _This is agony._

She pulled back to look at him, taking his face in her hands. A tear cascaded down his cheek, and she swiped a thumb over it, erasing its presence. _You are here now, Ben Solo, and we have all the time in the galaxy moving forward._

He gritted his teeth. "But you're with _him,_" he spat, releasing her. He turned away, clenching his fists.

"It's not like that!" she claimed, steadying herself against the wall. "It's complicated…" Rey didn't quite know how to describe it. She and Poe had never truly been _together_. The two of them did share a strong connection, but Rey never really considered it to be a romantic one. He was there for her, and, well, he did kiss her often, and hold her hand, and…

"Do you see the way he looks at you?" he questioned, twisting back around to look at her. "Do you not sense the love and desire that he feels for you? It makes me sick."

Rey sighed, averting her gaze. She knew it was true. Poe was in love with her. But she was very much not in love with him. If things had been different, maybe she could have been. "I never meant for that to happen. He took care of me when I was broken. I let it go too far."

Ben ran a hand through his hair. His heart ached as he watched a tear cascade down her face, then another, and another. He never wanted to fight with her. They already had such little time together as it was. "Rey, I…"

He tried to approach her, tried to take her in his arms and apologize, but there was a voice in the distance. A voice calling her name. She looked up in the direction of the noise, eyes wide with panic, then up at Ben in time to see his image fade as their connection dropped.

She wanted to crumple to the ground. She wanted to run. She wanted to sob. Instead, she took a deep breath, and wiped the tears from her face, just as Finn rounded the corner.

"Rey, there you are," he said, relieved. His brows knit together as he took in her appearance. Her face was flushed, and her eyes were bloodshot. He could feel the swirl of emotions within her, guilt and sadness being the strongest among them. He put his hands on her shoulders, giving them a comforting squeeze. "What's going on?"

She shook her head. "It's nothing. Sorry to worry you guys. I just needed some air."

"You can tell me anything," he promised, pulling her into a hug.

She buried her face in the crook of his shoulder as she squeezed him back. She would love to tell him everything. Finn was her best friend. She wished she could just sit down and lay it all out for him, but the thought terrified her. Ben was right; her friends _would_ kill him without a second thought. They wouldn't understand. But in order for them to ever truly be together, she would eventually need to come clean about everything.

Finn stroked her hair as he held her. "If you want to go home, I understand," he told her after a long silence. "I'll tell the others you just got tired."

She smiled softly at him. "Thanks, Finn. I really appreciate it."

He gave her a kiss on the cheek before pulling apart from her. "Get some rest."

"I will," she promised before heading home.

Rey changed into something comfier, and made herself a cup of tea before curling up on the couch in the living room.

Everything had become so complicated. Ever since he left, she had wanted Ben back in her life. But now that their connection was back, she found herself worrying more and more over the prospect of him returning fully. She had no idea where or how to begin.

The idea of running away together briefly crossed her mind. At first, it sounded like the perfect solution to all of their problems. They could find somewhere remote, and live out the rest of their days as nobodies. Nobody would try to harm him for his past. But then Rey would never see her friends, no, her _family_ ever again.

If it truly came down to it, would she sacrifice her family to be with Ben? She wanted to say no, because the alternative hurt. The thought of leaving them behind brewed an aching in her chest. But the image of the girl she had been just a week ago flashed through her mind. She had been nothing without Ben. A hollow shell, a ghost. Was that fair to her family? Either way, they wouldn't have her. Not the _real_ Rey.

She sighed heavily. The only thing she could do was come clean about Ben Solo, and hope for the best. She knew it wouldn't be received well, but maybe, in time, they would grow to be okay with him if it was what she wanted.

Rey was still awake when Poe arrived home a few hours later, but she pretended she was asleep. She had stayed in the living room, unable to bring herself to lay beside Poe and pretend everything was okay.

Poe stumbled in, having had just a few too many glasses of the bubbly liquid. He frowned as he noticed her frame curled up on the couch. He carefully placed a blanket over her and a kiss to her temple before heading to the bedroom.

Rey sighed softly, rolling over to stare at the ceiling. Why did he have to make this so difficult?


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

At dawn, Rey went for a jog. She was not ready to face Poe about the night before quite yet. She knew he would have questions. Questions she didn't know how to answer.

After making her way through the forest, skillfully dodging limbs, and roots as they tried to grab at her feet, she found herself stopping to breathe at her favorite spot on the hill-the large rock overlooking the horizon. Perhaps some mediation would guide her to some answers. She positioned herself on the rock, allowing her body and mind to relax as she took in a deep breath.

The first thing she noticed was that she could very clearly feel Ben's presence in the back of her mind. He was distraught, regretful, full of guilt. She pushed a wave of reassurance in his direction, feeling his presence relax just slightly. _Ben_, she whispered in an attempt to reach him. After a few moments of silence, she figured it hadn't worked.

_Or maybe he's ignoring you_, she thought, but she shook her head at it. They may have gotten into it the night before, but she didn't think he would ignore her over it. She wanted so desperately to clear things up with him, to have him tell her everything was okay, but she decided not to push it and gave him some space.

She pushed him from her mind, clearing her thoughts as she whispered, "Be with me."

The Force moved through her, making her feel weightless as her body was lifted into the air. She could feel everything and nothing all at once. Her body was still as it sat suspended, but the air, the trees, the life all around her moved within her. Yet, with it, there was decay, destruction, death. Without life, there would be no death. Without death, there would be no life. One simply could not exist without the other.

Images danced before her in her mind's eye. They were of the people she cared most about. Some were wonderful, others were terrible and left an aching within her.

Finn sat across from her at a round table. His hands were balled into fists, and his teeth were clenched. He was furious.

Ben touched her face as she slept beside him. His hair was messy, and he had a soft smile on his lips. He radiated with adoration.

Poe held his head in his hands on the edge of the bed. His shoulders shook with silent sobs. He was in anguish.

A child, young, and full of life. He reminded her of the young Ben she had seen aboard the Millennium Falcon, but he had her hazel eyes. There was a toy X-Wing in his hand, and he was zooming around with it. He was filled with joy.

In love there's pain. A balance.

Her eyes flew open and she yelped as she landed ungracefully on the rock beneath her. She knew that the images she saw were snippets of her future, of what _could_ be. She finally understood that what she had to do would bring great pain, but would result in a much greater reward. It didn't make what she had to do any less difficult, but it did fill her with the strength she needed to make it happen.

It was midday by the time Rey found herself heading back. Poe was nowhere to be found, for which she was grateful. She fixed herself some lunch and sat down at the table.

As she took her first bite, the air began to buzz and from behind her she heard a soft, "Rey."

She turned, warmth filling her at the sight of him.

"I'm sorry," he said, moving forward.

Rey stood to embrace him. "It's okay. You were right. I'm only hurting both of you by letting things continue this way."

His arms moved around her and he kissed the top of her head. "I didn't mean to react the way I did. I...I couldn't stop myself. Seeing you with him…"

She felt the jealousy swarm inside him once more, but he took a deep breath and pushed it away. "I know," she told him.

"I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for leaving you," he murmured into her hair.

"Ben, I had a vision today while I was meditating," she told him. "Everything will be okay someday. I'm going to tell them about you. We're going to be together soon."

He pulled back to look at her. Her words weighed heavy on him. "Are you sure you want to do that? They're not going to like it."

She nodded, reaching up to cup his cheek. "I know they won't, but if they truly care about me they will learn to be okay with it. I can't be without you."

"Then run away with me," he proposed, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

Rey frowned. "We can't run forever, Ben. I have a life here, a family. You could have that, too. With me." She pressed a kiss to his lips. "I'm not saying it's going to be easy. It's going to be hard, it's going to be painful, but it's all going to be worth it."

He knew it was crazy, but he believed her. He would go through hell to be with her. It didn't matter what it would take, or what it would cost. "I'm curious...what did you see in that vision you mentioned? It had to have been something if you're talking like this."

She chewed at her lip, unsure of what he would think of the answer. "Well, I saw the two of us, and we were with...we had a…"

"A little boy?" he offered, his lips twitching with a small smile. "I've seen him, too."

Her eyes widened. "You have?"

He nodded, watching his fingers as he fiddled with the collar of her shirt. "The first time I saw him was a few nights after I fled. I had a terrible time sleeping, but when I finally did, he came to me in my dreams. At first I thought he was me. But he had your eyes. At the time I didn't know what it meant. Just seeing him stare at me with those eyes-with _your_ eyes when all I wanted was to come back to you...it was unnerving. Looking back on it now, I realize he was just trying to get me to come to my senses." He laughed softly. "It took me long enough."

There was a knock at the door, and Rey glanced back at it as Ben faded from her arms. She sighed as the air grew cold in his absence, moving to open it.

Finn stood there, relieved to see her. He stepped forward to give her a hug. "Hey, Rey. I just wanted to come by to check on you. You had me worried last night."

She gave him a squeeze before pulling back to smile at him. Anxiety swirled in her gut, but she took a deep breath and pushed herself to say, "About that… There's something I need to talk to you about."

* * *

**Sorry about the cliff hanger... I will hopefully be updating in a couple days, so the wait won't be too long! In the meantime, feel free to leave me a review :) I really do appreciate the feedback. **

**Shout out to Hartmannclan for being my top reviewer! I was so stoked to see all of your comments. Glad you are liking it so far! You are the bees knees, my friend :)**

**-Muffins**


	11. Chapter 11

**Surprise! Turns out I suck at sleeping and stayed up until 3am (again) writing and had some time between my shifts today to finish it up! ****I'm so upset that I have to go back to work, but it will give me time to think about what the next chapter is going to entail.**

**WARNING: Angst ahead.**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

Chapter Eleven

The air was heavy with disquiet as they sat across from each other. Finn waited patiently for his friend to start, extending his hand to take hers for reassurance. Rey gave it a squeeze and laughed nervously. She had a careful grip on her mind, not wanting him to see anything until she could get the words out.

"I don't know where to begin," she muttered, averting her gaze.

"Start at the beginning," he suggested softly.

The beginning.

She cleared her throat and studied him carefully as she slowly began to speak. "For several years now I've had a Force connection with someone. We are able to communicate face-to-face, even from planets away. The first time it happened was back when I was training with Luke on Ahch-To. It was strange and unexpected at first, but after the first few times...I began to look forward to it."

Finn's confusion was palpable, but he stayed quiet as she continued.

"The more I saw of him, and learned of him, the more hope I had that he could change, that he could be _good_. So I took it upon myself to try and...influence him in that direction. Despite his efforts to lure me to the dark side."

She could sense his unease settling in as he began to put together who she was speaking of. "You don't mean…"

Rey nodded, her lips pressed into a thin line. "He asked for my hand the night we defeated Snoke. He wanted me to join him, and rule by his side. Part of me wanted to accept. He had just lost his Supreme Leader, and he was very vulnerable. I saw a chance to change him, but I didn't take it. There was too much Kylo Ren still in him at the time."

Finn's brows were furrowed as he tried to process everything she was telling him. He was still unsure as to what it had to do with anything, but he remained patient, thankful that his friend was finally opening up to him. He gave her hand a squeeze, urging her on.

"Then, when we battled on the ruins of the Death Star...I could have killed him." Tears welled in her eyes, but she brushed them away. Her lip trembled as she continued, "He was distracted by something, and I...I put his lightsaber through him. But when he crumpled to the ground...I could see in his eyes that he was different. I couldn't do it. I healed his wounds and left him there." She paused for a moment, taking a shaky breath. "Kylo Ren did die that day, but it allowed Ben to rise to the surface once more."

She was surprised at how easily the words came out. It was as if they had been waiting to be released, and once she finally had the courage to unscrew the cap, she couldn't seem to get it back on. A weight was being lifted from her shoulders, yet she had a sense of dread looming over her. The vision from earlier that day replayed in her mind.

"The next time I saw him was on Exegol. He came to help me defeat Palpatine...my grandfather."

"Wait...your _what_?" It was the first thing he had said, and he had not meant to, but he just couldn't stop himself.

"You heard me correctly," she told him. "Palpatine wanted me dead because I was a threat to him. That's why my parents left me on Jakku. They were trying to save me from him, from the Dark Side, and from inevitable death by his hand."

"Rey, I'm so sorry," he murmured.

She shrugged. "It's really alright. Now it is, at least. And, besides, that's not the point of all of this."

He nodded. "Yes, sorry. Please continue."

It took her a minute to start again, dreading the next part of what she had to say. She swallowed and started again. "I wouldn't be here today if Ben hadn't shown up. I died down there, Finn. My heart stopped, I felt myself start to leave my body… But then all of a sudden I was back. He was holding me, and he was so scared. But he had risked everything to bring me back. And that...that was the moment I realized that I was in love with him."

He pulled his hand from hers, slamming his fists on the table. "You can't be serious, Rey. _Kylo Ren_? Do you even hear how crazy you sound right now?"

She flinched back. "I know that it sounds insane, Finn, but I've had _years_ to process this. And I know that doesn't make it any better or easier, but I'm begging you to just hear me out."

His teeth were clenched, and he sat unmoving for a few moments before taking a deep breath and giving her a curt nod.

"Thank you," she breathed, relieved. Her hands dropped to her lap, along with her gaze. "After Exegol, he disappeared. He left me there, and everyone assumed he was dead. And I tried to cope with it, I really did. But the pain was too much, so I just shut down."

She peeked back up at him, and could see the wheels turning in his head as everything began to add up. "So, when you left…"

"I went searching for him, but he had me blocked out of our connection. There was no trace of him, so I gave up. I wasn't planning on coming back here, Finn. I wanted to disappear."

He frowned. He knew what she meant. "Poe told me of that night," he whispered. "The night you returned."

She fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "I never meant for things to get this way. I never wanted Poe to fall in love with me."

"But he did, Rey," he snapped. "And I take it he's back? When you disappeared last week, you somehow got in contact with him? I thought I had heard a voice last night. It was him, wasn't it?"

She nodded, choking back tears.

"And you're just letting him back into your life like he never left in the first place? Like he never _destroyed_ the Rey you were before?" he questioned, voice hard.

Rey chewed at her lip. "Finn, I can't be without him," she murmured. "You saw how I was. Do you really want me to be like that forever?"

"You know I don't, Rey. But how are we supposed to excuse everything he has done? And what about Poe?"

"You can't tell him. Not yet. He has to hear it from me." She sighed. "And, honestly, I _don't_ expect you guys to excuse anything. However, I am hoping that you will be able to see the fact that he is not Kylo Ren anymore. That part of him has died. And I know that does not change the things he has done, but he really is different. He is _good_."

Silence fell over them as they heard the door open to reveal a smiling Poe

"Hey, Finn! What a nice surprise." His face fell as he looked between the two. The air was thick with tension. "What's going on?"

Finn stood up. His eyes were sad as he looked at his friend. "Sorry, Poe. I gotta go."

"Oh...okay. I'll see yo-" His words were cut off by the slamming of the door. He turned around to face Rey, his brows furrowed.

She wasn't looking at him. Her head was down, and tears were streaming down her face.

"Rey…?" he said softly, crouching beside her. He reached up to wipe her tears. "Rey, talk to me."

She shook her head. "I can't right now," she whispered.

"Did he do something to you?" he asked sternly, pointing towards the door.

"No! No...Finn would never. It's just…" She sighed. "I'm not ready for you to know yet."

Poe stood and pulled her against him, stroking her hair. "Rey, I am always here for you," he told her.

She leaned into him and closed her eyes. _Will you still be here once you know the truth? I'm not ready to break your heart. I'm not ready to lose you._


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

The following few days were tense to say the least. Finn wouldn't talk to Rey, would barely even _look_ at her. It hurt, but Rey gave him the space. She knew it was a lot to process. Maybe he would never speak to her again. She sure hoped that wouldn't be the case, but could understand if it was. That was part of the reason she had been so terrified to tell him in the first place.

Rey had been distancing herself from Poe. The past few nights were spent on the couch, and her days tucked away in the forest. She had hardly slept. Her mind was constantly racing with what to say, and how to say it. She could tell he wanted to talk to her about the other night, about why Finn's attitude towards her had suddenly changed. It was going to be much harder explaining things to Poe. Part of her was waiting for Finn to talk to her again, thinking it might be easier if she had his support. The other part of her just wanted to get it done and over with.

On top of it, she hadn't seen anything of Ben either, which made her feel even _more_ alone. She had tried to connect with him on more than one occasion, but to no avail. Their last interaction replayed in her mind, overanalyzing what was said in case there was anything that might have driven him away. There wasn't anything alarming that she could remember. Unless, of course, he was scared. Scared of what might happen when she did tell the others about him, and the relationship they shared.

Rey had been waking up early the past few mornings and going for a jog, which she ended with some meditation. It was very relaxing for her in such a stressful time. It gave her space to consider everything, and to allow the Force to guide her. She might have gone crazy had it not been for her morning routine. She hadn't felt so lonely since she was a child back on Jakku.

She was heading back home when she ran into Finn. He scowled at her, and she frowned. He had to feel how hurt she was, just as she could feel how frustrated _he_ was.

"Finn," she said gently.

"What?" he snapped, and she flinched. He sighed, and she could feel guilt flare up in him before he softened his tone. "What is it, Rey?"

"I just…I wanted to tell you that I miss you, and that I hope you are doing well." Her words felt rushed as they crossed her lips, and she moved past him to continue on her way.

He didn't respond, but she could feel that he missed her, too, despite his confusion, despite his anger. And that was good enough for her.

After having some lunch, she wasn't feeling up to leaving the house again. Luckily for her, Poe was busy working in the shipyard, so she decided to curl up in bed with one of the Jedi texts. By then, she had read them all over a couple of times, but she would find something new each time.

After about an hour, she had begun to doze off, but the air began to buzz and Rey pulled herself out of it to see Ben standing at the foot of the bed. Relief filled her at the sight of him. She had to force herself not to jump up and run to him. His brows were knit together as he looked around.

"Something has changed," he told her, distracted by something. "Our connection...it must have grown stronger. I can kind of make out pieces of your immediate surroundings now, they're just very blurry."

Rey blinked, noticing the faint outline of what she assumed was a table a couple feet from him, along with a chair, and a few other indistinguishable objects. She stood and reached out to touch the table, but her hand fell right through it. "That's really strange," she said, looking back to him. "I wonder what that could mean."

Ben shrugged. "I'm really not sure." He closed the distance between them and wrapped her in a hug. "Rey, I'm sorry that I haven't been able to see you the past few days. I could feel how distraught you've been."

She relaxed into his chest. "It's okay. I've just been very alone. But I have you here with me now."

"I take it you told him about me?" he asked softly, planting a kiss in her hair.

She sighed and shook her head. "Not yet, but I've been keeping my distance from him. I did tell Finn, though. He has been ignoring me, but I bumped into him earlier. I think he will come around sooner or later."

"I'm sorry," he told her as she pulled back to look at him, and his hands moved to rest on her hips. "I had a feeling it wouldn't go very well."

"Don't be. I wanted to do this. I want us to be together for real, and this is the only way that can happen. I'm tired of watching you fade away," she said, touching his cheek.

He smiled softly. "Me too. It never gets any easier."

Rey leaned in to kiss him gently, sliding her hands down to rest on his chest. "Soon," she whispered.

"I sure hope so," he responded, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I have so much I want to share with you."

She nodded, smiling. "Me too."

They held each other in silence for a few moments, soaking in each other's company. It didn't feel quite the same as being physically present with one another, but it was the best they had. He radiated with warmth and affection, and it eased her mind. It had been a rough few days, and she really needed this.

All of a sudden, Ben grew tense. "What was that?" he questioned, pulling back from her embrace.

Her brows furrowed, unsure of what he was referring to. "What was wh-?"

"Rey?" Poe's voice met her ears, just before he entered the room, and her heart sank. She hadn't even heard him come in the front door.

She watched Ben's eyes flicker above her shoulder and widen in alarm as he stepped away from her. "Oh no," he muttered before fading away.

Her stomach turned as she spun to face him.

* * *

**Ugh, this one did not come easy for some reason, so I'm sorry if it seems off or rushed. BUT. The moment we've all been waiting for is here... MWAHAHA. How is Poe going to take it? Will things ever be okay between Finn and Rey again? Leave your thoughts in a review :)**

**Next chapter will hopefully be up tonight or tomorrow. :)**

**-Muffins**


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay okay okay. Here it is. It's a rough one, guys.**

**Trigger Warning: Brief mention of thoughts of suicide. If this is harmful for you, please skip past the large _italicized_ part of this chapter.**

**Hope it's not _too_ angsty, but I know it is. Whoops. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen

Poe stood in the doorway, shock and pain radiating off of him. His left hand was slack at his side, clutching a bouquet of beautiful wildflowers. His lower lip began to tremble, and he bit into it, willing it to stop. This wasn't how Rey wanted him to find out.

The air was tense for several moments, neither of them knowing what to say.

"Is this…is _he_ the reason you have been so distant from me?" Poe finally said. The words hit Rey like a slap across the face.

She swallowed hard. "Poe...you don't understand. I meant to tell you. He's not what you thi-!"

"What is there to understand?" he demanded, cutting her off. "You told me Kylo Ren was dead! He was our enemy!"

"Kylo Ren _is_ dead, but Ben Solo lives on! He has changed, Poe! He cares about me. We…we are bonded. We're a dyad in the Force," Rey tried, but she knew it was useless. She herself wasn't even sure what that meant for them, she only felt the powerful connection that they shared.

"If he truly cared about you, where has he been every night that you lay awake crying? Or when I found you that night in the woods..." he choked on a sob at the memory. They had never spoken of that night.

_Poe was awoken from his light sleep by the sound of the Millenium Falcon in the distance. He had been waiting for that sound since the day Rey had left. It had been three and a half long years without her. He leapt out of bed and ran out the door as fast as he could toward the source of the noise._

_It had begun to downpour as he stumbled into the clearing where she had landed the ship. His face fell as he took in the sight before him. Rey laid crumpled on the ground, her body wracking with uncontrollable sobs. He took a hesitant step towards her. "Rey!" he called out._

_She tensed up, and her breath caught in her throat. She lifted her head to look at him as the rain pounded down upon them. He saw her mouth move, but could not hear the words that passed her lips._

_He moved slowly forward. As he got closer, he got a clearer image of the girl in front of him. There were deep purple bags under her hollow eyes, and her cheeks were sunken in. Her hand was gripping something against her chest, but he couldn't quite make out what it was._

"_Please," she croaked. He was finally close enough to hear. "Please go away, I don't want you to see..."_

"_I'm not going anywhere, Rey. You're going to be okay," he reassured her as he inched closer. _

"_You don't know that!" she spat. The light of the moon glinted off of the object in her hand. Her lightsaber. The blade emitter was pressed against her, and her thumb was on the trigger. The realization of her intentions hit him hard._

"_Rey, _no_!" he screamed. He crossed the distance between them before she even had a chance to register it. She was too weak to fight him, too weak to do anything. He fell to the ground in front of her and yanked the lightsaber from her grip, tossing it away. The despair she felt washed over him as he pulled her into his arms and cradled her small frame against him. "What were you thinking?" he sobbed into her wet hair._

_She didn't answer. She couldn't._

_After a long while, he lifted her up and carried her home. Once she was dried up and in fresh clothing he tucked her into his bed and wrapped himself around her. He held her while she drifted off into a restless sleep, held her all night. Sleep never came for him. He was too busy watching her, protecting her..._

Rey watched it replay within Poe's memories, as tears trickled silently down his face. It was true, she wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for the man standing before her, but that didn't change the fact that Ben Solo was her soul mate. The two had been bonded since long before either of them knew the other existed. No one would ever understand that.

"You didn't leave that bed for three weeks. And who was there to take care of you, Rey?" He studied her face as he spoke, his fist clenching the poor flowers in his hand. "Because it sure as hell wasn't _him_."

"I'm sorry, Poe. It was wrong of me to let things go this far," she told him, wiping the tears that pooled in her eyes. "But part of me never expected to see him again."

"And how would that have changed things? Would it have stopped you from being in love with him? Would it have allowed you to ever love me back?" He choked on the last few words.

They both knew the answers to those questions, but neither could speak them.

"I brought these for you," he whispered after a long silence, placing the bouquet down on the edge of the bed and sitting himself down beside them. "I've noticed how off you've been the last couple days, and I thought they would cheer you up. I'm such a fool." His head fell into his hands and his shoulders began to tremble with silent sobs.

"You're _not_ a fool, Poe," she told him, reaching out to touch his shoulder. "You've been so good to me. You have such a huge heart, Poe. And you don't deserve any of this. _I'm_ the fool for allowing it to get this far. I was so lost, and I didn't know how to explain anything to anyone because I knew nobody would understand."

He shrugged her hand off of him, lifting his head to glare at her. "You're right, Rey, I _don't_ understand. I don't understand how you could be so in love with someone who has done the kind of shit that he has done. Or how you could lie to my face...no, to _all_ of us for _years_."

Each word pained her more and more. "I didn't mean to lie. It was never my intention to hurt any of you. I didn't know how to tell you guys because I know it sounds absolutely insane."

"I don't want to hear anymore. I'm going to go stay with Finn and Rose tonight," he said, suddenly void of emotion, as he stood and left the room.

"No, don't. I should be the one to leave," she called after him, tears streaming down her cheeks.

He sat silently at the table, staring at his folded hands in front of him, as she collected a bag of her belongings. She could feel him trying to suppress his emotions, but his anguish shone through him.

Rey glanced back at him from the doorway, chewing at her lip. He did not raise his gaze, did not say a word. She heard him choke on a sob just before the door latched shut. She turned, leaning back against the door as she fought off the pain inside her.

In the Millenium Falcon, she made her way to Ben's old room. She lowered herself onto the cot and curled around the old stuffed toy, facing the wall. She wasn't sure how long she had laid there, or how many tears she had cried until the air began to buzz, but she did not move.

He was quiet as he reached out to touch her arm before curling himself around her on the small cot. She grasped the arm that had snaked its way around her middle, and he pulled her tighter against him, pressing gentle kisses into her hair.

Neither of them spoke. He let her cry in silence as he held her. Slowly, her tears subsided and she drifted off to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey there lovelies! So sorry about the delay. Writer's block is a thing, Sims is very distracting, I accidentally got obsessed with TikTok, I've been DRUNK, and just generally awful so hey hi hello I'M BACK BITCHES. Hope you all enjoy it :)**

* * *

Chapter Fourteen

Ben was not there when she awoke. She had not expected him to be, but she had hoped. Her heart was heavy with the events from the day before.

Rey kicked herself for not hearing him come in. It still wouldn't have been easy, but the conversation would have gone a lot smoother had it not come to light the way it did. She would have been able to explain things better without the heightened emotions.

She poked around the Falcon for awhile, knowing there had to be a stash of food portions somewhere. Her stomach was growling by the time she found them, tucked away in a forgotten compartment. Once it was prepared, she took a bite and scowled in disgust. She did not miss having to eat that junk. It was all that she had available to her as a child, and what she had relied on while she had gone searching for Ben.

Once she was finished with her breakfast, she busied herself with tidying up the ship. It hadn't been flown in several years, and had only been boarded by herself since. It had grown dusty in that time, and she figured it would be a good distraction for her. Besides, it seemed as if she was going to be staying there for awhile while the air settled.

She found all sorts of strange things while she worked. Clothes for all sorts of shapes and sizes of beings, broken weapons, random parts, tons and tons of cobwebs. It had probably been decades since the ship had had a full cleaning.

"It's looking good," a voice said behind her a few hours into her work.

She whipped around, her heart pounding in her chest. It was only Ben. "You startled me," she said, her hand moving to her chest.

He chuckled softly, stepping forward to put his arms around her. "I was worried about you. I tried to stay as long as I could last night, but the connection faded shortly after you fell asleep."

"It's okay. Thank you for being there," she said softly.

"That was my old room we were in, wasn't it?" he asked, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear.

She nodded. "That's where I was when I finally was able to break through to you. I could feel your presence the most in that room."

He smiled, resting his hand on the side of her neck, his thumb tracing along the edge of her jaw. "That makes sense. I thought it had looked familiar."

She leaned into his touch, warmth filling her as the sadness disappeared from her mind. "I didn't know where else to go. Poe was so upset. Everybody is going to hate me."

"How could they hate you? Give them time." He closed the distance between them, pressing a tender kiss to her lips. "I don't care what they think of us, Rey. I will always be here, no matter what. They could never scare me off. You're stuck with me forever."

Rey laughed softly. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It could be. What if you get sick of me?" he questioned playfully, pressing kisses along the side of her face.

"I can assure you, that's not going to happen," she promised.

A week had passed, and she was still tucked away in the woods. Everyone needed their space from her while they processed everything.

She and Ben spent as much time together as they could, but the Force didn't always cooperate. He had even prepared a meal for the two of them that he was able to pass to her through the connection. Those few days were a nice taste of what the future held for them.

When he was not around, things got dark for Rey. She was left alone with her thoughts, her anxieties. The idea of never having her family again terrified her, filling her with dread. She knew it wasn't ever going to be the same, she only hoped that they would grow to accept it and forgive her for keeping quiet about everything.

It was mid afternoon, and she was making minor repairs to the ship, when she felt someone approaching. She could sense who it was, but couldn't believe it. She hurried to the hatch, and opened it to reveal Finn, the corner of his lips lifted in a hesitant half smile.

They made eye contact and she stilled, her breath catching in her throat. She didn't know what to do, or what to say. But his presence was warm, and he was relieved at the sight of her.

"Rey," he said after a moment as he closed the distance between them with quick strides. To her surprise, he enveloped her in a big hug. She stood frozen for a moment, shocked and confused by the gesture, before returning the hug. She buried her face against him, squeezing him tight. Grateful tears appeared before she could stop them

"Finn, I can't believe you're here," she murmured into the crook of his neck.

"I'm still not okay with the idea of him, but I've missed you, Rey. I don't want it to come between our friendship," he told her, pulling back to look at her. "...And Rose may have talked some sense into me."

She laughed as she wiped the tears from her face.

"She made me really think about what _I_ would do for her, and for true love," he told her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. They moved inside and took a seat at a table across from each other. He held her hand on the surface between them. "You know, before Rose, I thought that was you, Rey. I had never seen someone so strong and independent, so graceful and full of hope. You were the most incredible person I had ever met. You still are."

Rey's lower lip trembled, and she gave his hand a squeeze. "Finn, you are too kind."

"No, I'm serious. Where would any of us be without you?" He leaned forward, gazing deep into her eyes. "You fought for us, for our future. Shit, you even _died_ for us. And I guess what I'm really trying to say is… You deserve the whole galaxy, Rey, and all the happiness that you could possibly have. And if that's what Kylo...I mean _Ben_ is for you, then who am I to say you can't have that?"

She pulled him across the table into a hug. "Thank you, Finn. You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that. I love you."

He kissed her cheek as they pulled apart. "I love you, too, Rey."

They sat in silence for a moment until Rey said, "How is Poe?" It was hard for her to ask, but she needed to know.

Finn shrugged, frowning. "Honestly, he's a wreck. He's been staying with us. He said he couldn't be in that house surrounded by all the memories of you."

Rey sighed, her gaze falling to her lap. "I really messed up, didn't I?"

He moved to crouch beside her, setting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Rey, we all make mistakes. He will come around. It won't be today, it probably won't be tomorrow, but he will. He may be upset, but he does really care about you and your happiness."

She smiled sadly, touching his cheek. "I know he does. Thank you, Finn."

"Any time, Rey. But I should probably get going. Rose and I will come visit you until things settle down with Poe," he promised as they stood and headed for the door. He turned to look at her. "Also, I would like to speak with Ben at some point in the near future."

Her eyes widened and she shook her head. "I-I don't think…"

"I said what I said," he said firmly, but with a reassuring grin. He gave her a hug and kissed her cheek. "I will be by tomorrow, if that's okay with you. We haven't trained in weeks, and I'm getting rusty."

Rey nodded and gave him a smile. "I would love that. Goodbye, Finn. Give Rose my love."

"Will do. See you tomorrow, Rey."

She watched him until he was out of sight before closing the hatch.


End file.
